The Good, The Bad, & the UGLY!

Well HAPPY THANKSGIVING Ya'll!

Hope everyone has a meaningful day, and if you're not spending part of it with Family or Friends, at least give a loved one a phone call, and let them know you're thankful. For myself, I'll be having a pretty full plate (whether or not I can eat much remains to be seen). I'll be heading over to the other side to Amanda's shortly, with a brief stop by my dear Friends, Jeff & Jill Kaiser (whom I'll be house sitting for this weekend). At Amanda's we'll be putting the finishing touches on our Honey Glazed Ham, and then it's up to Ulapalakua Ranch, to spend the day with Family Friends the Azevedo's, Michael and Diana, and their 2 boys (also former Lahaina Gallery Alumni). Among those also attending will be Becky, the Belle of Makawao and her three, the Schweiner Family, along with Kelly and Family, Nana Anne along with a Mystery Guest, and who knows who else. Should be a good time.

The drawing is from my Granddaughter Madison, her effort to "cheer up" Grandpa last week, and of course, she was successful. I'd also very much like to THANK everyone for writing and so forth, it's been entertaining to say the least. I'm trying to keep up as best I can, and if I haven't been timely in responding to some of you, fear not, I'll get around to it. And for those of you who HAVEN'T called, and may have wanted too, I REALLY appreciate that, as it's still a wee bit uncomfortable to talk. OK so much for the GOOD.

On the bad side of things... Being un-employed isn't helping a whole lot, and the World economy isn't encouraging. US Politics are enough to make anyone wonder WTF no matter who you supported (or didn't) in the Elections. And I finally did have my initial consult with the Radiology Oncologist, which brings us to the UGLY.

The technical term for my "situation" is Squamous cell carcinoma (and I'd suggest that unless you have a strong stomach, you DON'T look that up on Wikipedia). The short version (yes, I keep trying) is that the Radiation Treatment plan for now is 35 sessions, that's 5 days a week for 7 weeks, WITH NO BREAKS (seems I was wrong about that in my initial understanding), and each week will be worse. UGH! - OK, double UGH!! The Bobby Baker Clinic is nice though, well funded, modern and very high tech. Heck, during my consultation the Dr. had to excuse himself to go quite the staff who were giggling and laughing too much! This could be fun. NOT!

Anyway, the Doc went through all the details, and fortunately Amanda was there, because I know, as he continued along, I was listening less and less. Sure opened my eyes to a lot of things. So, what's up for now? Well I have what's called a Simulation next Wednesday, when they will make a "mask" to facilitate the treatments, and do a Cat Scan to enable my Radiology Team to map out the specifics of the Radiation targeting. Imagine that, now I've got my own TEAM. What more could a guy ask for??? Then I'll probably start treatments a week after that. On Monday, I'll be seeing my Dentist, Dwight Mounts, and his able assistant Jennine will be making me a set of Fluoride trays, to protect the ol' chompers.

OK, there's the short version, I've gotta hit the road, as I'm late (OK, so old habits die hard...).

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind.” Theodor Seuss Geisel

There's no place like home...

I cannot begin to tell you how truly great it was for me to spend last week at my Daughter Amanda's. I don't think there's anything I could have done differently to have things be easier on me. They have a very nice home in Maui Lani Estates, which is only about 5 minutes from the Kaiser Clinic, Maui Memorial Hospital, the Bobby Baker Cancer Clinic, Kahului Harbor, the Airport, Kaahumanu Center (the Mall) Home Depot, Cosco and Walmart. What more could a guy ask for geographically. Add to that having two of my seven Grandchildren under foot, to keep me on my toes, on top of which Kelly (big Sister) and here terrific two just up the hill in Pukalani, I've had no shortage of LOVE. I'm a big believer that Kidz are great, especially when they're "yours" and they've the personalities and disposition mine have. And Amanda was a great trouper, making sure Dad was comfortable, didn't do ANYTHING, ate (drank) enough and stayed on the Med sched, besides being my faithful companion on all Doctor visits and other fun excursions into Medland - which I've always had a considerable aversion too, even when things were good!

But, there's no place like home, and I felt strongly motivated to get back here, and tend to the myriad pile of stuff that needs tending. Which is what I've been doing. Of course the first thing I discovered is I am still cursed with Cyber separation syndrome, in other words, by computing in more than one place (and no, Geek that I am, there is no Laptop that travels with me), inevitably something I need or want, is at the "other" place. Argghhhh. So, some of my "tools" and fodder for the Blog were left at Amanda's... but I guess that only really matters to me, and I'm blaming all shortcomings, oversights and forgetfulness on Medication. One ironic side effect of this has been I've not been late ONCE in the past two weeks! I think I can lay that off on my new Mantra of Life = 4 - 8 - 12; 4 - 8 - 12.

So it was that I decided (and received approval from Mrs. Jones) that I would attend my Bartender Class, and return to Lahaina with Dan Snyder, and his driving Mother's Miata had nothing to do with it (thank you Katheryn). Once back in Lahaina, Dan was kind enough to run some shopping errands for me, and drop off three of my TV's (yes, I collect everything) at the Salvation Army. With the TV's out of the way, I rousted another friend, Capt. Tom Warren to come over and give Dan a hand with hauling out some furniture items from my living room, so I can proceed with reconfiguring to accommodate "home computing," in the manner to which I am accustomed. They were great, took them all of 20 minuets, and I've been procrastinating for MONTHS.

Sunday I just kind of took off, and slept most of the day. Roused myself around 4:00pm and headed into town (yes, I drove) for what I thought would be a quite afternoon session at the Yacht Club. WRONG. Seems John Domingo had decided to throw a "campaign" party, for a last minuet write in challenge for the upcoming Board of Governors elections next month. Actually, I think it was just a good excuse for a party. Anyway, there was food (the Galley's closed on Sunday, so John and a few friends brought in their own), loud music and much liquid consumption going on. The place was nutz! Not at all what I was expecting, and my Iced Tea (not the Long Island version either) just somehow seemed out of place. But it was good to see many Friends among the group, and rather enjoyed myself, it was a nice change of pace.

Yesterday was spent puttering, cleaning, and a couple errands which wound up being more than I'd anticipated, which made it quite easy to take the rest of the day off. The Turtles are still here, en force. The big storm we were supposed to have merely skirted Maui, and although we did get some rain, it was tolerable, and as always, welcome.

And here we are, it's Tuesday, and I'm muscling up for my initial visit to the Radiologist, Dr. Makishi. Dan had offered to take me over, but Pearl and I are going to have a whirl at it on our own... I've plenty of time, and feeling like I should be able to manage. I'm also expecting to drive back this afternoon, as I've still a bunch to do, and time is running out. So, DASSIT for now. I'll be back with a full report as soon as I can jot it down.

"A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them." Leonard Louis Levinson

Brief Recap & Up-date

Methinks I'm behind a bit, and I will admit to being somewhat distracted, as well as just plain NOT WANTING TO DEAL WITH IT. But, of course I must, and I will - besides, everyday I see one way or other where someones got it worse, so what have I to gripe about? (Hmmm, guess I could find something - but not right now.) So here's a re-cap thus far...

Simply put, I have been diagnosed with what's called Stage T2 Cancer of the Tonsil. Just one, the right side. It has metastasized to at least one lymph node, but not extensively. Originally they thought they'd just treat it with Radiation therapy and perhaps a few added doses of Chemotherapy. But, after additional tests and a second opinion they decided to remove one tonsil, take some biopsies of the surrounding tissue and back of my tongue.

Who are "they" you might ask. Well, the list is growing, and for every Doctor or Nurse I have dealt with directly, there seems to be a half dozen or so other nurses, technicians, administrators or consulting Physicians also involved. It's all pretty overwhelming. My personal Physician is Dr. Darcel Gilbert, a GP at the Kaiser Clinic here in Lahaina. For the whole Cancer thing, on point we have Dr. Scott Newman, ENT who did the Tonsilechtemy, and is kind of charting the course. His Nurse Cheryl takes care of the getting in and getting out, and all the referrals. #2 on the ENT side is Dr. Song. There's been a couple of other Doctors and their staffs to provide the Ultra sound biopsies, CAT scans, and so forth; who's names MAY be recorded in my notes somewhere, but at the moment I haven't a clue. I believe I mentioned earlier Dr. Sakuri, a GP in Wailuku who assured me that post op was proceeding as it should, and his two ladies who did the quickest EKG I've ever had, and managed to giggle through the whole thing, especially when removing the TAPED leads from my not exactly hairless chest. There have been three Pharmacy staffs (no, one stop shopping is not commonplace here in Hawaii) and several different Labs, with Blood tests and what not. And they say it takes a whole community to raise the child.

OK, so back to THEY... They only took one tonsil out, as it would make the recovery time shorter and with less discomfort, primarily so that they could start the Radiation treatments ASAP. But, in the taking of that one tonsil, they also took out A LOT of the surrounding tissue (without going into the muscle tissue) and a big chunk out of the back of my tongue, and that's why it's as bad as it is, and will take some time to heal.

The good news is that it seems to have been only in the tonsil, and not the surrounding tissue, and the spread to the lymph nodes is minimal, and could possibly mean they won't have to come out. The flip side of all this is, the other option is to operate first, then do Radiation treatments after... still not a 100% guarantee. Well, that little word "operate" is a bit mis-leading. What it really means is, they would have to split my Jaw, remove the string of lymph nodes, and part of the neck muscle, then do reconstructive surgery, and that really is the short version. Well, it wasn't too difficult to go with the current plan... which was to remove the tonsil, to get the best idea of how to proceed with the Radiation treatments.

Which I find out about Tuesday. Till then, I'm just on recovery mode. Oh, and getting prepared (mentally and physically) for the whole treatment process. Again, for right now, it's proposed to be just Radiation and not any Chemo, which also should be easier to take. And that Folks is it for now. Mahalo (that's THANKS) for everyones well wishes and encouragement. It is appreciated and VERY therapeutic. I'm doing "fine." And in case I didn't mention it recently - it's not sympathy I'm looking for, hardly as it's pretty clear this is something I've done to myself, and I'm sure not gonna wine about that. But compassion and understanding, that's priceless, and I am grateful for all I've received.

Aloha (and yes, that's still Hello & Goodbye), Ron Wall

I think it’s safe to say that “the Troops have landed!” Yes, the Dragoons of Discomfort have definitely deployed and have dug-in deeply, despite all my efforts to the contrary. And the Chain of Command here is quite clear, having been personally assigned my own adjutant of anguish, I am totally at the mercy of Private Pain, who reports directly to Corporal Punishment, who in turn answers to Sergeant Sore, who’s under the direction of Major Malady, who ultimately answers to Colonel Confusion.

Oh, and let’s not forget General Discomfort with his new dictionary of medical mumbo jumbo, who makes sure that even if I did have any clue as to what this was all about, I couldn’t possibly describe it to anyone else, given my language limitations. Be assured though, that the minions of misery march incessantly down my throat until the reach the back of my tongue where they make a speed turn and head back up again. And did I mention Artie Choak, the Admiral of Adversity, who sits alone and aloof, up behind my right temple, and appears to be administering the whole program.

Fortunately, I am not alone in this battle for physical dominance. Faithfully, every 4 hours the Viceroy of Vicoden visits and vanquishes the villains of vocal variations. Then there’s the Amoxicillin, the Ambassador of Anti-Biotics, who’s on an 8 hour cycle. Oh the cool soothing comfort of PINK! Additionally, these two major “food groups” are being supplemented by cold Jell-O, cold apple juice, cold water, tapioca, Cream o' Wheat w/ PB & Honey, tap water, iced coffee, peppermint tea, very (very) soft scrambled eggs, pudding, cold water, Gatorade – hold on a second, one of my eyeballs is floating away… - chicken broth, oh, and did I mention, cold water? This has been the sum total of my nourishment these past 6 days. The truly amazing thing is, during this whole time, I’ve not had to bother with any bowl movements, so I guess I at least have that to look forward too.

In case I’ve not been very clear here, I think all I’m trying to say is this hasn’t been a whole lot of fun. Nor do I mind saying, that in hindsight, my first few days with very little discomfort sure had me fooled. Probably the one thing I wish I could share most with some of my ol’ Friends at LGI is the white spots and mucous that has now spread throughout my mouth.

I should probably mention that on Tuesday, under Amanda’s diligent care, she had become concerned about there being considerable swelling in my legs, feet and ankles, while at the same time, I had growing concern over the increased pain levels at the back of my tongue, and would my RX in deed last until my scheduled follow-up with Dr. Newman on Thursday afternoon. Not to be deterred, Amanda called Dr. Newman’s office, and spoke with Cheryl, his Nurse. Well, she was having none of that, and promptly had me scheduled to see a GP at 3:10pm Tuesday afternoon.

That turned out to be with Dr. Shiotani, who after peeking, poking and prodding determined that, “I was just fine!” Easy enough for him to say so! What he did say was (yes, more big words) lying all day & night in the recliner, consuming large amounts of sodium enriched liquids and the physical and mental trauma all combine to make the legs swell. The good news was, it did look like healing was progressing as it should, it would be OK for me to get up, walk around and get some exercise, so long as I didn’t overdo it… What, me? And best of all, renewed my Pain Med RX!!! Yea! Dr. Shiotani is my new hero…
Oh, and the bonus for Tuesday… Kelly came by with Madison & Grayson, and I was treated to a haircut. Well, actually she cut quite a few, pretty much all of them. I know this will be good news to many of you, and for me, well, it was time I guess… I’ll do my best to get the full report this afternoon, and should have a better idea of what the schedule is here for the next couple weeks.

“If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” - Thomas Alva Edison

Gadgets - Get 'Em, Got 'em, Good

Many of you have by now noticed a few "gadgets" surfacing here in the Blog. For those still new to Blogging, especially GOOGLE'S version, allow me to explain, a "gadget" is just that, it's a little something for entertainment. They're NOT meant to sell you anything or otherwise compromise the experience. So, if you're NOT into the little "extras" Blogging life has to offer, just ignore them. They're just an attempt on my part to keep things interesting.

The "I Quit Smoking" one I hope is obvious. More than anything, it'll be a REMINDER to me, and the stats are a bit interesting as well. This is something I know I'm gonna be needing eventually, and what kind of got me going on the whole Gadget thing. And believe me, I'm not bragging, not one bit. It'll be a miracle if I can manage to stay stopped, but I'm resolved that it is one thing I must accomplish.

The Racing Calendar, well, there's another obvious one, especially now that NASCAR season has ended, with Jimmy Johnson capturing his third straight Championship in a row, something only accomplished by one other person in History, Cale Yarbourough.

As near as I can tell right now, there's plenty of room for more, with the way the Blog formats, so I'll be adding more, and changing them up from time to time. So, if one goes away that you perhaps rather liked, just let me know, and I can try and put them back up. Also, if you don't want to be bothered with them, well, just ignore them. And by all means, don't be put off by something that perhaps at first glance strikes you as "offensive." Like that REASON TO DRINK. Yes it's a controversial subject, and yes, debatable as something to be encouraged... but like I said, look past the obvious - more than just a reason to drink, it's a way to look at obscure "holidays" around the world, and have something else to chuckle about.

The Dark Side of Pain

It seemed only fitting that I share this photo from Halloween, as my blissful recovery bubble has burst! For whatever reason the back of my tongue seems to have decided it is going to dominate all other sensations for the time being. Anyway - I had the dubious pleasure of serving as Doorman at the Yacht Club, as we always fill to capacity and it gets quite nutz in town, and this was this year's costume - and no Mom, that's not a wig!

I don't want to give the impression that I'm complaining, about the pain that is - not so, as I'd still have to say this procedure has been more or less NBD, other than the current issues with the tongue. One thing I can tell you for certain, you DO NOT WANT PRUNE JUICE after oral surgery! For whatever reason that really burns. Well, I don't think I'm gonna blather much today about the Tonsil thing, and let it suffice to say, I'm doing OK.

But, I've a real shocker to share, which I think helps put this all a bit more in perspective for me, and perhaps will for some of you as well. Many of you know that I'm very fortunate to have stayed (and in some cases recently become reacquainted) close to several of my High School Classmates from ol' LUTHERAN HIGH SCHOOL - VALIDIAN'S Class of '66 (Go Lions!) In fact, many of them came to my rescue in the past couple years, helping with some remodeling requirements at my Parent's home, but I digress - we'll visit some of those tales another time.

Well, Sunday morning, while I was still feeling pretty chipper, I went to have a whirl at catching up on my e-mail, only to discover I had a message from my good Friend JC Agajanian, letting me know that on the previous Tuesday, another of our Friends, CARL BELKNAP, had been whisked to the ER with chest pains, only to discover he had 3 totally blocked arteries! As you probably know, "The Big One" is often a way worse life threatening issue than Cancer, and Carl's plight immediately kind of made mine pale by comparison.

The GOOD NEWS though is, Carl did receive treatment in advance of any actual heart attack, and appears to be doing pretty good. Evidently he had two stints put in immediately, and then another couple the following day. Mind you now, Carl is neither a smoker nor a drinker and is the Drummer for GLASS (JC, Carl and a few others played in High School, and have continued to stay with it, which is, yes - "another story" -) in other words, he's a pretty active guy, and "he" has arteries closing up on him. YIKES. I think Carl Win's the "most pain" contest so far... if you call that winning. He expressed the pain as being equivalent to watching UCLA lose a Divisional title game to USC, he being one of the lone UCLA fans left on the planet, and JC and most everyone else being of the Maroon & Gold.

I have to say - dwelling on the well being of someone else, is a great way to get beyond one's own dismal state of affairs. I'm glad Carl seems to be doing well - and I'm guessing DIET is his big enemy of health and heart... we'll find out more down the road.


And speaking of "general health"... Let me just share the results of my 11/13 Pre-op check-up; If the general pre-op physical is anything to go by, aren’t I in great shape!! BP was 110/80, my pulse was 78, Oxygen was 98, and EKG shows my Heart is strong and steady. On top of that, I’ve lost 10 pounds in the past two months and am down to 225. Well, so much for being "healthy." I think what was most reassuring was the Blood Pressure, as mine tends to run a little high. It must be all the good wishes and moral support I've been getting, because I seem to be as relaxed as ever - so thank you all for that. And on that note, here's my thought for today:

"We all lose friends… we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." -Amy Marie Walz,

GOSH, That wasn't so bad...

Hi Y'all! (Had my Right Tonsil removed on Friday, Nov.14,2008: Went in at 11:10am, picked up by Amanda at 5:30pm).

It's Sunday morning and if the tonsillectomy is any indication, this might not be all that bad. The In & Out process at the Maui Kaiser Wailuku Surgicenter went pretty smooth. Although pretty tight quarters, things appeared modern, clean and orderly and the entire Staff was cordial, caring and competent. I don't remember "going out" at all, or them even telling me it was time (which I didn't mind a bit) and "coming too" was pretty much just like waking up, only with an oxygen mask over my nose (which turned out to be a humidifier, and explained why in spite of all my aggressive breathing I never reached that oxygenated high I thought I was pursuing), and the Nurse asking, "How was I doing?"

Next question was, "How's your pain level?" (Which I'd been coached ahead of time was 1~10 with 1 being low & 10 being high.) To tell the truth, although there was definite discomfort I just wasn't all that sure just how much it did hurt, so I simply replied, "Four." Her response was, "OH, 2 milligrams or cc's or (somethings) of MORPHINE." And I thought to myself, Cool, for no particular reason, except it sounded like "heavy" drugs, and I had 6 more points to go if things really started to get bad. But (THANK YOU LORD) they never did.

So, the "short version" so far is, none of the "gloom & doom" or the "horror stories" or somebodies bad experiences have manifested themselves, and I'm feeling GREAT! (Sorta...)

I've been on Liquid Vicodin & Tyleno (HYDROCOD 735MG + APAP 500MG/15ML ELIX) every 4 hours, and it seems to be doing the trick, pain wise just fine. Again, mostly more an extreme discomfort than anything terribly painful - HOWEVER, there are those occasional exceptions which are a real momentary treat. Then there's liquid antibiotics every 8 hours, Amoxicilin. There's been virtually no bleeding, I've a wide range of liquids and soft foods that have so far seemed to do the trick. Swallowing has been a little strange and somewhat uncomfortable, but, I have to say, surprisingly not all that bad. Side of neck/ right shoulder's a bit sore, but nothing much. A new little ache on the right side back of my tongue has materialized over night, and for whatever reason I have a little "headache" kind of pain below my right temple. Bottom line is, I ain't complainein'!!!

I've been sleeping (living) in Amanda & Kyle's living room, on the recliner, quite comfortably in front of 52" HDTV, and through the Sliding Glass door, beyond the deck lies the verdant view of the Iao Valley and West Maui Mountains, blue sky and all. Surrounded by Family tending to all my needs, which have been thankfully few.

Amanda's been a dutiful care giver and taskmaster, the Grandkidz (Tyler & Hailey)have been comforting and entertaining, Kelly stopped by with Madison & Grayson last night (Saturday) and we had a nice visit. Poor thing, she worries too much, so it was good for her to see for herself that Dad was doing OK.

To be fair, I should probably mention here that because I felt so well Saturday morning, I decided to go ahead and go for my Bar tending Class (6 weeks at MCC), and was picked up by my Friend and "study partner" Uncle Dan Snyder. Dan brought me back home after class, and we were all surprised by an unexpected visit from Bonnie Nelson, who just happened to be in the neighborhood, having been a week early for a Baby Shower! Bonnie offered hugs all around, and I think we all found it to be a rather interesting time.

I've had a chance to get though most of my E-mail, which I've been a bit (thankfully) overwhelmed with and by; and have hopefully responded suitably to all of you who have written. For those of you who haven't, well that's fine too, for whatever reasons. I realize that for some, my rambling preamblings will have been interpreted as, "Ron doesn't want to be bothered at all, so we won't." For others, it's totally understandable that it's something you want no part of whatsoever, and that's fine too. That's the whole idea about the Blog (did I mention that?) - you can take it or leave it. As for my "approach" in sharing (or not) my situation and the ensuing saga, is so word would get around to those it mattered too. Some of you have asked, and perhaps others may have had occasion to wonder... Yes, feel free to share, inform or pass along this information to whomever. I've no restrictions.

That all being said - I have been a little dinghy, my thinking is a little muddled, I'm no longer smoking or drinking, and find myself having very little motivation. I've not felt (or so it seems to me) irritable or anything, and it's even been moderately easy to "talk." HOWEVER, in just the short (well, it's probably been a couple hours or so by now) amount of time I've been here, pen in hand so to speak, there seems to be a new - dare I say increased - level of pain. Methinks the fabled "third day of pain" rule may be coming into effect. So, on that note, I'm off to the Races. NASCAR'S SPRINT CUP Final Race is today, at Homestead, Miami, Florida. Looks for #48 Jimmy Johnson to take the Championship, but it's still anybodies race, should be a good contest. FYI Clint Boyer won the NATIONWIDE Championship race yesterday.

More later maybe. Aloha for now, Recovering Ron.

Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which will never happen. ~ James Russel Lowell

Kamehameha Day Parade Photo

Thought I'd change the photo - somehow looking at "me" doesn't quite do it, for me. This was taken back in June.

The Lahaina Yacht Club had entered a float in the Kamehameha Day parade, and asked if I would care to be in the lead car, with my Daughter Amanda (also a Member) and her two children, Tyler & Hailey - three Generations of the Wall Family. Well, of course I said SURE, always did love a parade. Anyway, this was taken at the staging area, and I thought I'd share it - OK, actually I put it there because "I" like looking at it...

Cheers!!!

Meeting new challenges...

[FYI - the Flowers are curtosey of Nicole, a Friend I've met through High School Buddy Rick Ortenburger, who plans to be visiting Oahu next month... Mahalo Nicole! We touch others in ways we often may never know...

It could be just me, but I have to tell you, this Blogging thing is taking some figuring out, and getting used too. Short version, I got out of sequence with my posts, but have figured that out. Seems that Nov. 12th (yesterday) came up BEFORE my Nov. 9th one, as a result of my "thinking" I could get ahead of things, with a little planning. Well, I've learned that lesson now.

So anyway, these posts do come out chronologically. Nuff said. I did write a brief post about Consult #1 yesterday, you just have to scroll down a bit.

Well, not much time for writing today I'm afraid. I'm now immersed in a crash course trying to figure out how a 60 year old "boy" deals with having his Tonsils removed. And oh my goodness do the horror stories abound. Good thing (I'm sure hoping) that I know better than to take everything one reads as if it's going to be the same for me. There's also a great deal of good experiences, and quite a bit of recurring suggestions for dealing with it.

But for now, no personal horror stories (boy, I can hardly wait) and plenty to do. Seeing GP this afternoon for Pre-Op check. Lab test results from yesterday (also had a chest x-ray) are already posted on the Kaiser website, and all (6) tests seem to be in the mid-range, which I'm taking as a good thing. OK, House cleaning, shopping, picking up a video camera from Brother Dan (Snyder), so I can burn a couple DVD's from John Heacock's Memorial Service at the Yacht Club last month, shopping for liquids, etc., and fulfilling my Dog Sitting obligations should keep me busy until I meet Dan this PM at LYC for a juicy T-Bone, off the new menu.

Oh, and I got a GREAT e-mail yesterday (actually I received quite a few, and want to thank everyone again for your support, encouragement, and most of all, for your understanding) from a very Dear e-Friend. Emilie Barry (Edie Barry's Mom - Edie is part owner of Maestro Pedestals in SF) whom I've gotten to know through her Daughter always seem to bolster my spirits. Anyway, she sent along some Words of Wisdom which she recalls being hung as Bathroom Art by a friend named Tom. I found them most profound, and share them herewith:

"WORRY doesn't empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength."

November 9th - Half way to the First Step

Hey there! Well, it's Sunday evening and the end of what was a pretty decent weekend. I've mostly been in denile (you know, that River in Egypt...) and trying desperately to figure out how to deal with Family, Friends and anyone who might have some reason to be concerned. I just haven't a clue. So far, I haven't confided in anyone, and I'm begining to have some self doubts... seems like I should talk to somebody - but I just can't bear to burden anyone besides myself with this, at least for now.

Although I continue to deliberate, I'm pretty well convinced that the thing that makes the most sense, is to just tell "everyone" at the same time, and e-mail is pretty darn well the best way to do that. However, the thought of dozens of e-mail responses, all wanting to know one thing or other, share advice or words of encouragement just simply overwhelms me, and I shudder.

And then - "DING," off goes the bell and on comes the light... BLOG IT! So, for many reasons, that is what this Blog will be focused on for the foreseeable future. I'll do my best to have it be informative, but remember, this is one subject I "knows" just about nothing... but I suspect I'll be getting quite the education. Beyond that, I'll share as best I'm able how I'm feeling, and what it's like. Feel free to skip over any or all of whatever you don't care for.

But mostly, I'll try to make it at least partly entertaining. I've got quotes galore, that you may or may not have heard before. I'll share the BEST of wh at I've gleaned while Wandering in Cyber Space and searching the Internet. And heck, if anyone's interested enough to ask a question, I'll even try to come up with a decent answer.

OH, so I started this out with... "end to a pretty good weekend..." As many of you know, I'm a "Motorhead" or Race Car Fan, and the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series 2nd too last race was this morning. Jimmy Johnson won, and looks like he'll wind up winning his third Championship. Next Sunday is the final race at Homestead, Miami FL. Also, I'm house/dog sitting for my Friend Jan, who's away on business. Gives me a different perspective on the Sunsets.

I haven't exactly figured out yet how to go about sharing this shi**y news with everyone, and still don't think it's a bad idea just to not tell anyone I don't have to. But I know that's not for me. I'd (still) rather Folks knew what I know, and what I think, and why... and then leave it to them to make their own decisions. I know that doesn't work for everyone... never seemed to sit very well with anyone at Lahaina Galleries, but that's another story.

Anyway, headed on down to the Lahaina Yacht Club for a sunset Pau Hana, and lo and behold, thought it was the Marine Corps Birthday a day early! Turns out John Domingo had his crew of volunteers down there to put together Bicycles, the prizes for the Keiki Fishing Tournament coming up this weekend. More on that another time.

Here's another favorite quote of mine, dealing with "time." I'm begining to understand this better all the time...

"You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it." Charles Bryton

November 12th - First Consult with ENT

"Today was my first visit with my ENT Dr. Scott Newman. A young fellow, pretty mild mannered, good sense of humor and all in all, someone whom at this point anyway, I feel pretty comfortable with.

Of course I have a ton of questions, primarily how much of this should I be able to handle on my own, and will I in fact need someone to assist me, and if so, to what extent. How will it affect my diet? Will I qualify for Medical MJ? When can I go back in the Ocean?"

- - - - - - - -- scrrrreeeeeeeecccchhhhhhh!

Whoa up there just a minute...

Alright, that was what I'd started with yesterday, thinking I'd get "one up" on things... Well, there's item number 312 that I've been wrong about so far this year! and I really hate being wrong... OK, better get used to it.

So, the big deal of today is, after Dr. Newman involved Dr. Song (also an ENT) in addition to his having conferred with a Dr. Brad Burton in Honolulu (evidently the Pacific Guru in this field) and Dr. Cody, a top notch (so I'm told) Oncologist, and no doubt Cheryl, his Nurse (and a very sweet Japanese woman who has actually been very nice to me); that I will be having my Tonsils out this Friday. Well, actually only one tonsil. "Only one?" you say? Why not both" Simple answer there is, so it'll take less time to heal, and enable me to start the Radiation Treatments that much sooner.

So, things all of a sudden shifted gears, and again, I've been caught way underprepared. I was certain from all discussions thus far, that surgery was not going to be necessary, and that I had a couple weeks or so before they could get the radiation treatments scheduled. Nope. Good thing I've got an automatic shifter, or I'd be having trouble coming up to speed.

The real bummer on this turn of events is that I was expecting to host several very special Visitors here this weekend, arriving on a Cruise ship in Kahului Harbor. Actually, 'tis a Friend of a Friend (long story there...) who is traveling with her Sister (celebrating a Birthday) and Mother (a bit hard of hearing and only speaks Norwegian). Well, needless to say, I was looking forward to meeting the legend K.Rose and Family, and showing them around our Island Paradise. Well, that's just not gonna happen. Probably neither will Bartender School on Saturday, and my ol' Buddy Dan will have to represent us both.

Oh, and here's another thing I learned today, you don't eat Ice Cream before you show up for a Doctor's appointment. Tend's to fluster the Nurse, when she's trying to take your temperature. That's what I get for being early enough for my appointment, that I had enough extra time to have the darn ice cream in the first place.

Well, of course there's more news than this, but this will have to suffice for now. I do want to say THANKS to all of you who have responded, and even more so to say THANKS for your understanding. The real good news is e-mails BY FAR out weighed telephone responses, and for me, that's a really great thing. I don't have "roll-over" minutes (hint, hint...)

Aloha Everyone. Ron Wall

November 6th - First News

It was a bit unusual for my phone to ring at 8:30pm this Thursday evening - it's not often I get calls much after Sunset. My first twinges of uneasiness began when the caller identified himself as Dr. Scott Newman. He's an ENT whom I'd been referred to by my personal physician, Dr. Darcel Gilbert, several weeks earlier, when I'd had a general check-up, and inquired about a small lump I'd noticed in my throat. Then, as he proceeded to inform me (rather diplomatically if I recall), that recent tests had returned Positive. I must admit though, after about the first sentence or two, I think I just started going numb, and was kind of listening with "deaf" ears. I definately DID NOT want to hear what he was telling me.



His conversation was full of all kinds of words, most of which I'd heard of at one time or other, but ones I'd never wanted to know all that much about. Melenoma, metastacized, chemotherapy, and so forth.

He was also kind enough to ask if I'd like a consultation to discuss things further. Well heck YES, I said. We spoke a bit more, and he explained a couple of probably options as far as treatment was concerned, and actually once we got past the undesireable surgical aspect, the Radiation/Chemo combination didn't seem all that bad. He said three one week treatments over a six week period - that didn't seem to bad. He mentioned a few other things, and the more he went on, the unsettling it became. By then I was really NOT listening!

After the Doctor hung up, I remember a big void kind of opening in my mind, and just kind of not thinking about anything for I don't now how long. What I do recall as being amongst my first lucid thoughts was, "Oh no, this is NOT something I want to have others have to deal with." It's a good thing I can handle it on my own. Yea, Right! The next thing I did was jump on the Internet, to Google "cancer treatments" and etc. Oh boy, big mistake there. Too much information, and very little of it good! Which is how I arrived at "doing nothing" until I see the Doc on Wednesday, Nov. 12th. Which is pretty much what I plan to do.

My main concern now is, "Who am I gonna tell, and How am I going to put it?" Well, that's become more depressing to me than dealing with the diagnosis.

For now, I'll fortify myself with the following Mantra:

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails." William Arthur Ward

Not the Best News

Well, I've been kind of trying to lead up to this, while mostly I've been wanting to avoid it, that's just not realistic. When I first started this Blog, my thoughts were anything but having to deal with this... but, as it turns out, this is the path I'll be "wandering" for quite some time.

Whether you choose to follow every footstep, check back from time to time, or never want to visit here again, the saga will unfold, and I'll do my best to encapsulate it here. Hopefully there will be some wit and wisdom I share along the way, to make it all worthwhile. OK, here goes...

And no, I don't suppose this is much of a laughing matter, none the less, I intend to at least try and keep my sense of humor - and would ask that you do too, Dear Reader... Earlier this month I was diagnosed, as having Stage 1x~2x Tonsil Cancer. The general prognosis by the ENT is “good,” but first I will have to meet with the Oncologist for exact details. The initial proposed treatment plan is Radiation, and possibly Chemotherapy. There will be three 5 day sessions, over a 6 week period, followed by a relatively short recovery period.

There will be the usual side effects that will accompany the treatment, but they should be mild by comparison to heavier doses associated with more advance cases. I think that’s all supposed to be “good news.” Right now, I just don’t know – this is all I know. My first consultation is a few days away, and I won’t know ANYTHING further until then, and that I’m sure will only be the beginning.

I am fortunate to be blessed with lots of Loving Family, and many Caring Friends – for which I am most grateful. Beyond that, as we say here in Hawaii, this is "my kuliana,” meaning, it’s for me to deal with. To that end, and because I know there’s more to this than it just being "my deal," and some of you will have questions, and others will be interested in my well being; I’m going to use this Blog as my way of dealing, and sharing the subject. Perhaps it’ll be a bit of therapy for me too, as one tends to focus more on things you put in writing then things you just think about. For everyone else, it’ll be a means to see the answers and know “wassup” about the same time as I do. And if you don’t… well, it’s easy enough not to have to go here.

So, as I've been trying to absorb this new news over the past week or so, I've turned to cleaning out a lot of "old junk," as it seems the prudent thing to do. Not unexpectedly, I keep coming across odds and ends and old tid-bits of forgotten words of wisdom and brief moments of authorship... Here's a poem I wrote, probably back around 1972 or so, during my brief stay at El Camino City College:

Alone in the Desert stands a Tree,

Alone in the Sky there soars a Bird.

If by chance, on a branch should rest the Bird,

They are Alone - Together.

And should again the Bird take wing,

Is it the End?

Or the Begining of Forever...?

A Little Perspective

For those of you who don't know me that well, or have been out of contact for awhile, it'd be pretty fair to say, I'm one lucky fellow. I've been fortunate to have a darned good life all in all, and been blessed with good health, a wonderful Family, some great adventures and a few worthwhile accomplishments.

My three terrific children, Carl, Kelly and Amanda have given me everything a parent and Father could hope for, including a total of seven Grand Children, each of whom promises to be a "just the best!" Both my Parents continue to live productive and meaningful lives in the same home I was born and raised in, and my Sister Karen has managed to raise a pretty interesting Family of her own. I've traveled to many Countries and seen many a wonder of the world and have had the opportunity to develop many interesting and endearing Friendships along the way. It is those Friendships and my Family that to me are most precious.

On the flip side, I've not managed so well in lasting relationships with the Women in my life, and there are more things than I care to admit where I've fallen short of the mark. I've learned a great deal along the way, which means nothing if I can't share it. Well, here I can share, it's up to "you" to determine if there's anything worthwhile, and make what use of it you will.

TIME is one of those things that generally trips me up, there just isn't enough of it and I'll be darned if I'm much good at being "ON," on time that is. So here's today's "words of wisdom" something I came across a long time ago...

Time is too slow for those who wait,
Time is too swift for those who fear,
Time is too long for those who grieve,
Time is too short for those who rejoice,
But for those who love... Time is Eternity.

Missing Momentum

Having started this Blogging thing several times, and always running out of "gas" almost from the onset, I'm realizing I could very well do the same thing here. I guess the real problem is focus or purpose, in other words, "What's the point?" Sure I can think I can be a clever and entertaining writer, and for sure (at least from my perspective) I do seem to stumble on, have become involved with or had the opportunity to observe some pretty interesting things in this life of mine - and continue to do so.

But then the reality sets in... yea, sure, somebody will be interested now and then, in one thing or other, but coming up with really good stuff, with a broad range of appeal, wow - that winds up being pretty intimidating, and old insecurities surface, which leads to deliberation, which leads to distraction which winds up as apathy - and nothing gets written.

That's why there was no LAHAINA HALLOWEEN 2008 report (Daughter Amanda & Grandson Tyler "Batman" on candy raid). That's why there was no "FIRST DAY OF BARTENDER SCHOOL" report. That's why I haven't reported on my saga with being unexpectedly un-employed, and my efforts to deal with the Unemployment Office; securing continued Health Insurance coverage; and converting my 401K (which thankfully I happen to have). So, motivation - that's the missing ingrediant, oh, and of course my limited talent as an actual writer. Well, who knows... you never can tell, sometimes motivation comes from the strangest places...

I guess one other thing that inhibits me with Bolgging, is the Chronological nature of things... anyone who knows me, is all to well aware of my issues with time management... which manifests itself here because following some notable happing or other, is the least likely time I find to write about it, and when I do find the right time, it seems like a missed opportunity or event from the past, and again, "Who Cares?" It's "history."

But the nature of Wandering is to "keep going" and so I shall. But you might as well know right now, while my intent is to be faithful to the Blog being timely, I'm not gonna be shy about digressing to happier or more interesting times, and they migrate in and out of Memory.

So, "To the adventure", for anyone wishing to come along, as often and for as long as you're inclined. And with that, I think I've rambled enough and gone nowhere for now.

Until next time, Aloha, Ron Wall