Meeting new challenges...

[FYI - the Flowers are curtosey of Nicole, a Friend I've met through High School Buddy Rick Ortenburger, who plans to be visiting Oahu next month... Mahalo Nicole! We touch others in ways we often may never know...

It could be just me, but I have to tell you, this Blogging thing is taking some figuring out, and getting used too. Short version, I got out of sequence with my posts, but have figured that out. Seems that Nov. 12th (yesterday) came up BEFORE my Nov. 9th one, as a result of my "thinking" I could get ahead of things, with a little planning. Well, I've learned that lesson now.

So anyway, these posts do come out chronologically. Nuff said. I did write a brief post about Consult #1 yesterday, you just have to scroll down a bit.

Well, not much time for writing today I'm afraid. I'm now immersed in a crash course trying to figure out how a 60 year old "boy" deals with having his Tonsils removed. And oh my goodness do the horror stories abound. Good thing (I'm sure hoping) that I know better than to take everything one reads as if it's going to be the same for me. There's also a great deal of good experiences, and quite a bit of recurring suggestions for dealing with it.

But for now, no personal horror stories (boy, I can hardly wait) and plenty to do. Seeing GP this afternoon for Pre-Op check. Lab test results from yesterday (also had a chest x-ray) are already posted on the Kaiser website, and all (6) tests seem to be in the mid-range, which I'm taking as a good thing. OK, House cleaning, shopping, picking up a video camera from Brother Dan (Snyder), so I can burn a couple DVD's from John Heacock's Memorial Service at the Yacht Club last month, shopping for liquids, etc., and fulfilling my Dog Sitting obligations should keep me busy until I meet Dan this PM at LYC for a juicy T-Bone, off the new menu.

Oh, and I got a GREAT e-mail yesterday (actually I received quite a few, and want to thank everyone again for your support, encouragement, and most of all, for your understanding) from a very Dear e-Friend. Emilie Barry (Edie Barry's Mom - Edie is part owner of Maestro Pedestals in SF) whom I've gotten to know through her Daughter always seem to bolster my spirits. Anyway, she sent along some Words of Wisdom which she recalls being hung as Bathroom Art by a friend named Tom. I found them most profound, and share them herewith:

"WORRY doesn't empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength."

November 9th - Half way to the First Step

Hey there! Well, it's Sunday evening and the end of what was a pretty decent weekend. I've mostly been in denile (you know, that River in Egypt...) and trying desperately to figure out how to deal with Family, Friends and anyone who might have some reason to be concerned. I just haven't a clue. So far, I haven't confided in anyone, and I'm begining to have some self doubts... seems like I should talk to somebody - but I just can't bear to burden anyone besides myself with this, at least for now.

Although I continue to deliberate, I'm pretty well convinced that the thing that makes the most sense, is to just tell "everyone" at the same time, and e-mail is pretty darn well the best way to do that. However, the thought of dozens of e-mail responses, all wanting to know one thing or other, share advice or words of encouragement just simply overwhelms me, and I shudder.

And then - "DING," off goes the bell and on comes the light... BLOG IT! So, for many reasons, that is what this Blog will be focused on for the foreseeable future. I'll do my best to have it be informative, but remember, this is one subject I "knows" just about nothing... but I suspect I'll be getting quite the education. Beyond that, I'll share as best I'm able how I'm feeling, and what it's like. Feel free to skip over any or all of whatever you don't care for.

But mostly, I'll try to make it at least partly entertaining. I've got quotes galore, that you may or may not have heard before. I'll share the BEST of wh at I've gleaned while Wandering in Cyber Space and searching the Internet. And heck, if anyone's interested enough to ask a question, I'll even try to come up with a decent answer.

OH, so I started this out with... "end to a pretty good weekend..." As many of you know, I'm a "Motorhead" or Race Car Fan, and the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series 2nd too last race was this morning. Jimmy Johnson won, and looks like he'll wind up winning his third Championship. Next Sunday is the final race at Homestead, Miami FL. Also, I'm house/dog sitting for my Friend Jan, who's away on business. Gives me a different perspective on the Sunsets.

I haven't exactly figured out yet how to go about sharing this shi**y news with everyone, and still don't think it's a bad idea just to not tell anyone I don't have to. But I know that's not for me. I'd (still) rather Folks knew what I know, and what I think, and why... and then leave it to them to make their own decisions. I know that doesn't work for everyone... never seemed to sit very well with anyone at Lahaina Galleries, but that's another story.

Anyway, headed on down to the Lahaina Yacht Club for a sunset Pau Hana, and lo and behold, thought it was the Marine Corps Birthday a day early! Turns out John Domingo had his crew of volunteers down there to put together Bicycles, the prizes for the Keiki Fishing Tournament coming up this weekend. More on that another time.

Here's another favorite quote of mine, dealing with "time." I'm begining to understand this better all the time...

"You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it." Charles Bryton

November 12th - First Consult with ENT

"Today was my first visit with my ENT Dr. Scott Newman. A young fellow, pretty mild mannered, good sense of humor and all in all, someone whom at this point anyway, I feel pretty comfortable with.

Of course I have a ton of questions, primarily how much of this should I be able to handle on my own, and will I in fact need someone to assist me, and if so, to what extent. How will it affect my diet? Will I qualify for Medical MJ? When can I go back in the Ocean?"

- - - - - - - -- scrrrreeeeeeeecccchhhhhhh!

Whoa up there just a minute...

Alright, that was what I'd started with yesterday, thinking I'd get "one up" on things... Well, there's item number 312 that I've been wrong about so far this year! and I really hate being wrong... OK, better get used to it.

So, the big deal of today is, after Dr. Newman involved Dr. Song (also an ENT) in addition to his having conferred with a Dr. Brad Burton in Honolulu (evidently the Pacific Guru in this field) and Dr. Cody, a top notch (so I'm told) Oncologist, and no doubt Cheryl, his Nurse (and a very sweet Japanese woman who has actually been very nice to me); that I will be having my Tonsils out this Friday. Well, actually only one tonsil. "Only one?" you say? Why not both" Simple answer there is, so it'll take less time to heal, and enable me to start the Radiation Treatments that much sooner.

So, things all of a sudden shifted gears, and again, I've been caught way underprepared. I was certain from all discussions thus far, that surgery was not going to be necessary, and that I had a couple weeks or so before they could get the radiation treatments scheduled. Nope. Good thing I've got an automatic shifter, or I'd be having trouble coming up to speed.

The real bummer on this turn of events is that I was expecting to host several very special Visitors here this weekend, arriving on a Cruise ship in Kahului Harbor. Actually, 'tis a Friend of a Friend (long story there...) who is traveling with her Sister (celebrating a Birthday) and Mother (a bit hard of hearing and only speaks Norwegian). Well, needless to say, I was looking forward to meeting the legend K.Rose and Family, and showing them around our Island Paradise. Well, that's just not gonna happen. Probably neither will Bartender School on Saturday, and my ol' Buddy Dan will have to represent us both.

Oh, and here's another thing I learned today, you don't eat Ice Cream before you show up for a Doctor's appointment. Tend's to fluster the Nurse, when she's trying to take your temperature. That's what I get for being early enough for my appointment, that I had enough extra time to have the darn ice cream in the first place.

Well, of course there's more news than this, but this will have to suffice for now. I do want to say THANKS to all of you who have responded, and even more so to say THANKS for your understanding. The real good news is e-mails BY FAR out weighed telephone responses, and for me, that's a really great thing. I don't have "roll-over" minutes (hint, hint...)

Aloha Everyone. Ron Wall

November 6th - First News

It was a bit unusual for my phone to ring at 8:30pm this Thursday evening - it's not often I get calls much after Sunset. My first twinges of uneasiness began when the caller identified himself as Dr. Scott Newman. He's an ENT whom I'd been referred to by my personal physician, Dr. Darcel Gilbert, several weeks earlier, when I'd had a general check-up, and inquired about a small lump I'd noticed in my throat. Then, as he proceeded to inform me (rather diplomatically if I recall), that recent tests had returned Positive. I must admit though, after about the first sentence or two, I think I just started going numb, and was kind of listening with "deaf" ears. I definately DID NOT want to hear what he was telling me.



His conversation was full of all kinds of words, most of which I'd heard of at one time or other, but ones I'd never wanted to know all that much about. Melenoma, metastacized, chemotherapy, and so forth.

He was also kind enough to ask if I'd like a consultation to discuss things further. Well heck YES, I said. We spoke a bit more, and he explained a couple of probably options as far as treatment was concerned, and actually once we got past the undesireable surgical aspect, the Radiation/Chemo combination didn't seem all that bad. He said three one week treatments over a six week period - that didn't seem to bad. He mentioned a few other things, and the more he went on, the unsettling it became. By then I was really NOT listening!

After the Doctor hung up, I remember a big void kind of opening in my mind, and just kind of not thinking about anything for I don't now how long. What I do recall as being amongst my first lucid thoughts was, "Oh no, this is NOT something I want to have others have to deal with." It's a good thing I can handle it on my own. Yea, Right! The next thing I did was jump on the Internet, to Google "cancer treatments" and etc. Oh boy, big mistake there. Too much information, and very little of it good! Which is how I arrived at "doing nothing" until I see the Doc on Wednesday, Nov. 12th. Which is pretty much what I plan to do.

My main concern now is, "Who am I gonna tell, and How am I going to put it?" Well, that's become more depressing to me than dealing with the diagnosis.

For now, I'll fortify myself with the following Mantra:

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails." William Arthur Ward

Not the Best News

Well, I've been kind of trying to lead up to this, while mostly I've been wanting to avoid it, that's just not realistic. When I first started this Blog, my thoughts were anything but having to deal with this... but, as it turns out, this is the path I'll be "wandering" for quite some time.

Whether you choose to follow every footstep, check back from time to time, or never want to visit here again, the saga will unfold, and I'll do my best to encapsulate it here. Hopefully there will be some wit and wisdom I share along the way, to make it all worthwhile. OK, here goes...

And no, I don't suppose this is much of a laughing matter, none the less, I intend to at least try and keep my sense of humor - and would ask that you do too, Dear Reader... Earlier this month I was diagnosed, as having Stage 1x~2x Tonsil Cancer. The general prognosis by the ENT is “good,” but first I will have to meet with the Oncologist for exact details. The initial proposed treatment plan is Radiation, and possibly Chemotherapy. There will be three 5 day sessions, over a 6 week period, followed by a relatively short recovery period.

There will be the usual side effects that will accompany the treatment, but they should be mild by comparison to heavier doses associated with more advance cases. I think that’s all supposed to be “good news.” Right now, I just don’t know – this is all I know. My first consultation is a few days away, and I won’t know ANYTHING further until then, and that I’m sure will only be the beginning.

I am fortunate to be blessed with lots of Loving Family, and many Caring Friends – for which I am most grateful. Beyond that, as we say here in Hawaii, this is "my kuliana,” meaning, it’s for me to deal with. To that end, and because I know there’s more to this than it just being "my deal," and some of you will have questions, and others will be interested in my well being; I’m going to use this Blog as my way of dealing, and sharing the subject. Perhaps it’ll be a bit of therapy for me too, as one tends to focus more on things you put in writing then things you just think about. For everyone else, it’ll be a means to see the answers and know “wassup” about the same time as I do. And if you don’t… well, it’s easy enough not to have to go here.

So, as I've been trying to absorb this new news over the past week or so, I've turned to cleaning out a lot of "old junk," as it seems the prudent thing to do. Not unexpectedly, I keep coming across odds and ends and old tid-bits of forgotten words of wisdom and brief moments of authorship... Here's a poem I wrote, probably back around 1972 or so, during my brief stay at El Camino City College:

Alone in the Desert stands a Tree,

Alone in the Sky there soars a Bird.

If by chance, on a branch should rest the Bird,

They are Alone - Together.

And should again the Bird take wing,

Is it the End?

Or the Begining of Forever...?

A Little Perspective

For those of you who don't know me that well, or have been out of contact for awhile, it'd be pretty fair to say, I'm one lucky fellow. I've been fortunate to have a darned good life all in all, and been blessed with good health, a wonderful Family, some great adventures and a few worthwhile accomplishments.

My three terrific children, Carl, Kelly and Amanda have given me everything a parent and Father could hope for, including a total of seven Grand Children, each of whom promises to be a "just the best!" Both my Parents continue to live productive and meaningful lives in the same home I was born and raised in, and my Sister Karen has managed to raise a pretty interesting Family of her own. I've traveled to many Countries and seen many a wonder of the world and have had the opportunity to develop many interesting and endearing Friendships along the way. It is those Friendships and my Family that to me are most precious.

On the flip side, I've not managed so well in lasting relationships with the Women in my life, and there are more things than I care to admit where I've fallen short of the mark. I've learned a great deal along the way, which means nothing if I can't share it. Well, here I can share, it's up to "you" to determine if there's anything worthwhile, and make what use of it you will.

TIME is one of those things that generally trips me up, there just isn't enough of it and I'll be darned if I'm much good at being "ON," on time that is. So here's today's "words of wisdom" something I came across a long time ago...

Time is too slow for those who wait,
Time is too swift for those who fear,
Time is too long for those who grieve,
Time is too short for those who rejoice,
But for those who love... Time is Eternity.

Missing Momentum

Having started this Blogging thing several times, and always running out of "gas" almost from the onset, I'm realizing I could very well do the same thing here. I guess the real problem is focus or purpose, in other words, "What's the point?" Sure I can think I can be a clever and entertaining writer, and for sure (at least from my perspective) I do seem to stumble on, have become involved with or had the opportunity to observe some pretty interesting things in this life of mine - and continue to do so.

But then the reality sets in... yea, sure, somebody will be interested now and then, in one thing or other, but coming up with really good stuff, with a broad range of appeal, wow - that winds up being pretty intimidating, and old insecurities surface, which leads to deliberation, which leads to distraction which winds up as apathy - and nothing gets written.

That's why there was no LAHAINA HALLOWEEN 2008 report (Daughter Amanda & Grandson Tyler "Batman" on candy raid). That's why there was no "FIRST DAY OF BARTENDER SCHOOL" report. That's why I haven't reported on my saga with being unexpectedly un-employed, and my efforts to deal with the Unemployment Office; securing continued Health Insurance coverage; and converting my 401K (which thankfully I happen to have). So, motivation - that's the missing ingrediant, oh, and of course my limited talent as an actual writer. Well, who knows... you never can tell, sometimes motivation comes from the strangest places...

I guess one other thing that inhibits me with Bolgging, is the Chronological nature of things... anyone who knows me, is all to well aware of my issues with time management... which manifests itself here because following some notable happing or other, is the least likely time I find to write about it, and when I do find the right time, it seems like a missed opportunity or event from the past, and again, "Who Cares?" It's "history."

But the nature of Wandering is to "keep going" and so I shall. But you might as well know right now, while my intent is to be faithful to the Blog being timely, I'm not gonna be shy about digressing to happier or more interesting times, and they migrate in and out of Memory.

So, "To the adventure", for anyone wishing to come along, as often and for as long as you're inclined. And with that, I think I've rambled enough and gone nowhere for now.

Until next time, Aloha, Ron Wall